Agreements Are Key

I hate to take you back there, but for today’s blog post… I must. Think back to lockdown restrictions. You know, the ones that changed from city to city, or from day to day, to the point where you never knew what was going on, who to believe, or what info source to trust? Connect those feelings of uneasiness with being part of a team, group, or organization that didn’t have clearly defined agreements. How did it make you feel? What did you need to feel a sense of understanding? Were you able to be successful?

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Reflecting on the beginning of my journey in a Learning Community is much like the initial days of COVID restrictions. What I understood (and misunderstood) sat comfortably in the “too big” box because it was all so different than anything I’d ever experienced before. Sure, I was excited and eager, but in the ideation stage, I spent a lot of time (with others) lost and confused. Though I’m OK in the space of confusion, others are not. So it was important for our team to establish agreements that would help us (and the students) be successful. Some agreements were easy to as they dealt with some basics to our operational practices (like where the lockers will be or how supplies will be set up in a classroom). But other agreements required a lot of discussion and really honed in on our philosophies about education, people, and interactions.

This is not, by all means, an exhaustive list of what we’ve agreed to over time, but it might help you frame your conversations.

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Language

Here are some language changes we made to align our thinking and how we introduce ourselves to students and parents.

• Mentor Teacher: this is the adult who meets with the students each morning for Social-Emotional Learning. The mentor is who the student is tagged to for bussing, lunches, and the specialist schedule. In conjunction with the team, the Mentor Teacher is the one who organizes the report card and serves as the contact for parents.
• Community Teacher: everyone on the team is a teacher. Regardless of title or job description, each one of us is a teacher in the community. This is defined as being part of a team that takes collective responsibility for the development of all students in the community.
• Ours, not Mine: we did away with the language of “my kids” or “my students” in exchange for the word “our.” Since we are all their teachers, they are all our students.
• Learning Spaces: though signage outside of the room may read 3L (to accommodate for scheduling and such), the space is not my classroom. It is considered the “homebase” for the 3L students to house their belongings. Inside, the community, the 3L room is dubbed the “blue room” defined with blue molding around the door. Each room has a different color (and symbol, to support those that are color-blind) and is not attached to a teacher. By doing we have insured that every space is student-centered and teachers are just facilitators who work in all the spaces.

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Community Behaviors

Rethinking the spaces is an ongoing process but there are some agreements that help set the tone for our community.

• Community Agreements: stemming from agreements from each Mentor group, these agreements melded into a set of community agreements for everyone in our community to follow.

• Lockers: students’ locker/cubby spaces were assigned randomly in the community so teachers could get to know different students rather than just their Mentor group. Before winter break, students will clean out the lockers and teachers will “reset” and randomize the locker allocations for the 2nd semester which allows new students to network with others in different ways.
• Birthdays: no longer do we celebrate a student’s individual birthday with only their Mentor group. We have a space where everyone is invited to sign birthday cards for the month. On the last Friday of each month, the birthday students go to the Learning Kitchen to bake brownies. We end the day with a birthday celebration inclusive of birthday cards, the birthday song, a brownie, and some playtime.
• Assemblies: a variety of students from all Mentor groups work together to showcase community learning. Sometimes, the entire community shares together (i.e. presenting community agreements, a Grade 3 dance which was created in Performing Arts, or showcasing poetry written in different forms).
• Mentoring Behaviors: we use the same Mentor Meeting/Morning Meeting slides to guide the Social Emotional Learning in the community. This ensures that all teachers and students use the same essential behaviors and language is consistent across the community.

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Teacher Responsibilities

• Collaborative Planning: we co-plan for all facets of learning and for all students. These discussions include ideas for differentiation, language scaffolds, and learning support needs. You can learn more about this in the post called Rethinking the Schedule. This discussion may also include flexibly grouping students for different purposes for different subject areas.
• Creating Learning Engagements: we have divided our team into smaller subject-specific/curriculum-area teams. These small working groups plan the learning engagements, collate resources, and organize documentation in the unit planner.
• Team Teaching: as facilitators of learning, we know that we are not the only “right” teacher for all students so we value team-teaching. We recognize that students learn best in a variety of ways, made easier when a team have different skills to offer a group of learners. Guided by J. L. Trump’s “What is Team Teaching” work from 1965 stating, “Team teaching is an arrangement whereby two or more teachers and their aids, in order to take advantage of their respective competencies, plan, instruct, and evaluate, in one or more subject areas, a group of elementary students in size to two or more conventional classes, making use of a variety of technical aids to teaching and learning in large group instruction, small group instruction, and independent study.” Here are some other academic and peer-reviewed papers that have been written on the topic.
• Reporting: as team teachers, we agree on how to report about students. We use a platform, called Toddle, to assist in our planning and which serves as a portfolio of student learning. We agree to publicly add (some) conferring notes for student reflection and parent communication. Additionally, we use confidential documentation to share observations or student interactions which may be needed during Student Support meetings, with counselors, when planning, or in during parent meetings.

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Ready to give something a go? What easy agreements can you and your team make to move towards a Learning Community? Here is a Padlet of ideas I’ve curated, but I’d love to hear your ideas. Please share your next steps in the comments section!

Rethinking the Schedule

Two years ago I wrote a reflective post about how we had reconsidered timetabling to accommodate a Learning Community and collaboration. I’m pleased to say a lot has changed since then. There have been some challenges, but from this teacher’s perspective, the pros outweigh the cons. I hope these ideas help your school community avoid some of the pitfalls we’ve encountered.

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Rethink the timetable. Our school took a big risk with this and reworked the timetable to give community teachers and specialists large chunks of time to work collaboratively. In the revised timetable, all students are in the grade level spaces at the same time or are with specialist teachers at the same time. Though some schools already use a similar timetable method, but for our setting–it was completely new.

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During the first big iteration of Learning Communities, we had a session with the brilliant Steve Barkley. He was tasked at coaching us through some of our biggest hiccups: timetables and teaming amongst them. In this session, there was a mic-drop moment when Steve said, “When the instruction is driving the schedule rather than the schedule driving instruction, that’s the best schedule.”

So that’s just what we did. We threw out our old timetable and were responsive to students’ needs and let learning drive the timetable. Noticing that our students didn’t have enough time to learn and practice in small 40 minute instructional chunks (which really become 35 minutes by the time they get their materials and are ready for learning), we merged the schedule into blocks with 60-80 minutes of instructional (read: practice) time. This tweak has had a great impact on student learning as we deliberately go slow to go fast. After an impactful mini-lesson, students have time for practice, direct teacher support or intervention. Because of the extended block schedule, teachers can wrap up lessons with a thoughtful reflection (or exit-ticket) to clarify misconceptions or gain formative data for next steps. The block schedule also utilizes the natural breaks in the timetable (see our current iteration below).

Nina Triado and I reflect on the timetabling rethink with Steve on his “Steve Barkley Ponders Aloud” podcast on Building PLC (Team) Effectiveness (starts at 18:00).

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Benefits for classroom teachers: All teachers now have approximately 110 minutes a day (40 for languages + 70 for a combination of Design, Performing Arts, Physical Education, Design, or Visual Arts) to co-plan, discuss student learning, and host workshares, unpack or reflect on units, etc. Teachers are always complaining that there is not enough time in the day/week to get things done–revising the timetable allows for time!

Another positive to this timetable is the amount of contact time students get in a subject. A few years ago, we did the math and reflected on how many minutes the students were actually “learning” in a 40-minute lesson. If you subtract the number of minutes it takes for students to get prepared for an academic lesson and then pack-up materials to reset for the next lesson, a teacher has approximately 30-minutes of actual instruction time. With a 5-10 minutes mini-lesson to kick things off, a student has between 20 and 25 minutes of practice time in which to read and write, practice math, or inquire further. In a block schedule, the independent practice time is more than doubled.

Cons for classroom teachers: Long blocks of time mean you cannot get to every subject every day. Spiral learning and daily practice is lost in lieu of slow and deliberate instruction and practice. Another con to a block schedule is absenteeism. If math is scheduled on Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday for the week, a 1-day absence can result in 25% lost instruction time as opposed to 20% if taught daily.

Blank grade level timetable–all green sections are when students are at specialist classes and when homeroom teachers can collaborate.

Benefit for specialist teachers: Since all of the students go to specialist classes together, teachers can collaborate in new ways. PE teachers have pulled out small groups (from different classes that are scheduled simultaneously for extra practice, reinforcement, or advanced lessons). Visual Arts teachers have more space for different groups of students to work at their own pace or with different mediums. Performing Arts teachers have regrouped students by specialized interests allowing some students to work on instruments while others work on performance or dance. In Design, teachers have merged groups together to ideate their design project in conjunction with another student, getting and giving feedback for the next iteration of their work. In some situations, specialist teachers have the opportunity to collaborate with one another for transdiciplinary learning or for extended sessions with a particular group of learners.

Cons for specialist teachers: One of the biggest pieces of feedback included the challenge of teaching students in an age group that you are not trained to teach. For instance, a PE teacher who specialized in working with students in grades 3-5 would, in the new timetable, teach students in grades KG, 3, and 5. This may not even be an option in most schools.

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How WE use our timetable: In many of these posts, I share about how we collaborate as a team to construct and share learning engagements across the community. But one question that has come up again and again is, “What is everyone doing?” so I’ve downloaded a few of our weekly timetables so you can see what it looks like in the planning stage (with all the sticky-notes), in a final-plan, and then I’ve included a set of community slides so you can see what the week looks like for all teachers. For more information on the planning that goes on behind the scenes, check out the post about our team’s non-negotiables.

Here is an overview of what our team’s weekly planner looks like:

An example of our weekly plannerDownload

And here is an example of our weekly community slides which are shared with all teachers.

Community Slides Example WeekDownload

When the time timetable allows for planning and collaboration, the possibilities are endless.

Any mic drop moments for you? Can any of this help you and your team?

It all starts with trust

Trust for collaboration is imperative in most industries today. According to Stephen R. Covey, author of the book, The Speed of Trust, “Collaboration is the foundation of the standard of living we enjoy today. Trust is the glue.” But you can’t just put a group of professionals in a room and say, “Now, go… collaborate and trust each other!”

In my experience, trust builds over time and is earned through respectful collaborative interactions. The current iteration of our Learning Community does this with four underpinning principles: trust, alignment of beliefs, accountability, and soup! Let me explain.

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Trust: In a Learning Community, you have to trust your team members. Because of the division of labor and co-teaching of all students, teaching teams have to trust that everyone is doing what was agreed upon. To build a highly-effective and trusting team, I think we have to go beyond specific grade-level experience, personal preferences, or teams that “like” each other. In a Learning Community, it is more important to create teams that offer the most balance in different skill sets. Perhaps looking through Ken Blanchard‘s “10 Reasons Teams Fail” could be a guide for creating highly-effective teams for your school environment.

But now, I’m gonna give you some hard truths, teachers. We owe it to students to check our ego at the door and not think that we are the most important educator in their life. We’re all just a cog in the machine of a student’s learning journey. When you can do this, you leave room for trust. And if you can’t… you’re stuck putting yourself before the student’s learning. And let’s be real, if you can’t trust the others on your team and school, then what’s your plan? Are you going to loop as the student’s teacher forever? You are one of the many influential people who will offer the student a rich and beautiful learning experience. You are not the only!

our team’s NormGreements starts with trust

Aligning beliefs: When your school is early in discussions about or prototyping Learning Communities, aligning beliefs is vital! It is at this stage that administrators must construct teams of risk-takers who are aligned around the motto:

We are ALL their teachers. They are ALL our students.

If the school has built Learning Communities in to the strategic plan, its ethos, or vision, then an individual or team having aligned beliefs is irrelevant. Michael Fullen has some strategies for those that are reluctant to change or reticent to working in a Learning Community. But for those educators that are still not convinced, perhaps it’s best for them to move on and find a school environment that still works in silos.

Accountability: In our Learning Community, we are all accountable to one another, to all the students, and to the parents. We organize meetings that focus on students’ social, emotional, and academic learning first. Our planning is arranged in such a way that we can discuss, plan, and document (accountability) for all student achievement and individual success. Because of the established trust and alignment of beliefs, our team knows that we are accountable for all students being seen, feel valued, and to grow academically.

Soup: I know it sounds silly to add here, but I think our weekly soup lunches have made a difference in our team’s success. It started a few years ago with the occasional blue sky thinking lunch with my friend Jenn Brown (who is one of the most blue sky thinkers I know). Very quickly, Kimberley Gregory and Nina Triado were looped in to the mix. And last year, our newest team member, Marta Smith, suggested we connect over soup. We started by deciding not to have a yard duty on Wednesdays. We found a used slow-cooker and someone provides the veggies and stock to go in it each week. At lunch, we sit and gab. We talk about our families, our hopes, dreams, fears, and we laugh… a lot! Though the talk of students creeps in once in a while, our weekly time to honor one another as more than just educators is what has bonded us… for life!

first soup lunch of 21-22

first soup lunch of 22-23

weekend soup lunch

More Info:

• The Neuroscience of Trust
• Ken Blanchard’s 10 Reasons Teams Fail
• Resistance to Change: Reasons and Strategies

Let me help… (learning communities)

Over the past three years, my team and I have been working tirelessly on ideating and troubleshooting Learning Communities. Over the last year, we tweaked and twisted to revise systems and the requests for information just keep coming. So it’s time to share and offer help for those who are willing to give it a go.

I was thinking that I would frame the organization of posts using Project Zero’s People, Parts, and Interactions thinking routine. I’ll outline some of the topics that I plan on unpacking over the next few months. You can link to this page and as the topics are explained, the links will become active.

People

trust

students

language

low-hanging fruit

buy-in

support services

specialists

parents

Parts

schedule

non-negotiables

negotiables

groupings

student needs

Interactions

agreements

benefits

connections

reporting

eyes on students

training students

correspondence

What do you think? Are there any topics you were keen to know more about and are missing? Keep the topic requests coming (via twitter @AngelaLanglands or email).

In any case, this should keep me busy for awhile!

let them be kids

Yesterday, after a fun day of dancing, singing, and dramatic play with 1st and 2nd graders, I went out for bus duty and my heart sank. So many of the children who had creative ways of thinking (during their Performing Arts class with me or when I saw them playing on the playground) had become entirely new people. Tech Zombies.

While visiting with their friends, parents kept their children quiet with a menagerie of devices. Though they had not all been zombified (read: some were playing or watching with a partner), most were just a figment of the awesome kid I had seen just hours earlier.

What are we doing to our kids? And why are we allowing technology to take away their kid-ness?

Often, when we think about child rearing in the olden days, we think of girls in frilly party dresses and boys in their perfectly pressed dress shirts. Memories (and media) tell us that children would play peacefully in the garden or with friends, but in the house, they were to be seen and not heard.

The children of today are viewed as rambunctious, an aggressive lion evolved from the careful cub. We view child rearing today as an opportunity to teach children from their surrounding and take risks. This means that loud, playful, busy children fill neighborhood parks and local playgrounds.

“London kids”by mkrigsman is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

But is that what’s really going on?

Think about the last restaurant you went to or the last place you shopped. What were the children doing? I bet they were on devices. Whether they had their a child-protected iPad, a parent’s cell phone, or their own small gaming system, it was probably pretty likely the kids were on a device.

“138 – Who’s iPad is it?”by MellieRene4 is licensed under CC BY-NC 2.0

Why is that? In an era where we are SO consumed with giving our children every opportunity to learn and explore, why are we taking it from their down time? Is it so they are seen and not heard?

Maybe we can help kids spend their empty moments in more productive ways: balancing things on cutlery (physics) or writing on paper napkins (literacy) in a restaurant while they could be examining the ingredients list (science) or comparing the weight of products in the shopping cart (math).

Let’s be honest parents… sometimes we Just. Need. A. Break! So fine. Give them a device. But let’s also be mindful that kids need to be kids. They need to run. They need to climb. They need to explore. And they need to learn from their surroundings.

And we need to let them and encourage them to be kids.

These pictures were from the yard duty that prompted my musings here. This bunch of kids explored how water moves and how they could use tools of different sizes to get the water to move in new and interesting ways. They also strategized about how to clean their feet before recess was over using communication skills and collaboration to solve problems.

It’s not rocket science parents. And it also took NO effort on my part.

…I just let them be kids!

So here’s my million dollar teacher tip: put away the devices and let them get bored. They’ll figure it out!

you can expect more!

Through emails, at collection time, and during many parent conferences, the same wonderings come up again and again. Many of you ask: “Does my child have a split personality?” It seems as if you and I know two different children. The child I know is independent, confident, and can organize their own things. But the child you know uses baby talk, won’t sit through a meal, and can’t tidy up their own toys.

I’ll let you in on a little teacher secret. Though school is a place of wild creativity and inquiry-based learning, teachers spend the first few weeks establishing structure and routines so chaos doesn’t ensue. As busy parents, we can sometimes find excuses to “let things slide” with our kiddos. And I know I’ve been guilty of this too! But I must remind myself– what lesson am I teaching my child when I don’t adhere to set boundaries and expectations? If we want to raise our children to be independent, respectful, and mindful of others’ perspectives… the lessons start young. And as a teacher to 22 young, willful, and energetic young’ns, I just don’t have the luxury to “let things slide.”

So here’s the new mantra I empower you to adopt: I CAN expect more from my child!

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Amelia Cleans licensed CC BY 2.0 from Donnie Ray Jones

For the early childhood student, we expect them to: tidy toys, tip the sand out of their shoes, be self-sufficient at toilet time, wash their hands, open their lunch boxes, hang up their own hat, feed themselves, and carry their own backpack to and from school.

An elementary-aged child is expected to: do all of the above and organize their work, take charge of their stuff (hat, water bottle, library bag, etc.),pack their own lunchbox and school bag, and act appropriately in different settings (be mindful of other learners, share toys on the playground, be accountable for your stuff, etc.).

Do you see a trend?

At school, we don’t do things for children. We wait for them to do the work themselves. We cajole, prompt, cheer, urge, remind, and remind, and remind… but we don’t do it for them!

But once the students cross the threshold from school to home, the expectations often change. Every day, I stop students from handing off their bags and water bottles to parents or helpers. Regularly, I urge parents to stop feeding their child while the child blankly uses a phone or iPad. Who’s doing all the work? Who works for who? And who looks like the fool?

If you raise the bar and expect more from your kid, they will rise to the occasion! If your expectations of your child’s independence match mine, they will be far more successful and the home-school message will be exactly the same.

Believe me, if you expect more from your child, they might not hit the target each and every day, but you’ll get closer to raising a confident, independent, and respectful child!

To get some ideas about how to reinforce independence at home, check out this Parent’s Article.

honoring their approximations

As I’ve written before, children’s writing doesn’t often look the way we adults expect it to look. But we adults are often the audience our children are writing for, so our reactions to their writing wields great powers! Unfortunately, we adults don’t often use our power correctly and we can often affect a child’s writing confidence when we make comments like, “I don’t understand,” “It doesn’t look nice,” or “Rewrite it!”

I cringe when I think back to my first year of teaching. I can remember the sadness in one particular students’ eyes when I asked her to rewrite her draft before our writing celebration on Friday. No wonder my students were not eager for writing time!

Well… a lot has changed since then. And so today, I’m sharing my new and improved understandings with you parents in hopes that you use your power more appropriately.

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After reading books by and receiving training from my writing hero, Matt Glover, I can tell you that my skill as a writing teacher has transformed in my many, many ways. Matt’s catchphrase: “honor their approximations” has become my motto during writing time. I share with you my conference routine as it may help you the next time your child wants to share something they wrote:

Let them share. Whether I can read a child’s writing or not, I ask them to read their work to me. By doing this, I can assess whether they can read their own writing and how organized the story is in their own mind. Then, I conduct my research. I’ll often ask the child where they go their idea, what they’ve been working on as a writer (as it often differs from what I’ve suggested), what they think they need help with, or who has inspired some of the work that they have done (usually an author from my current teaching stack).

Praise. After they’ve read to me…I gush! I give a commendation for a success I see in their writing. “Wow! You have some really fantastic ideas in your story” or “I really like how your pictures helped me understand how the character was feeling” or “I see that you used Mo Willems as your inspiration to add some colored talking bubbles to your story.” Honor the child’s approximations! When children (and adults!) learn something new, it’s important to focus on what they CAN DO rather than their deficits. And this is where we adults often go astray.

Teach. During the next part of my conference, I offer a teaching point. I decide on ONE recommendation I can leave a child with. Using my mentor stack (published books, my own writing, and other student’s writing), I show the child how someone else has done it: “Look at how David Shannon uses capital letters at the start of all of his sentences” or “I made a nonfiction book like you are writing. Let me show you how I labeled my drawings.”

Gentle goodbye. Before I leave my conference with the student, I nudge just a bit. And based on Matt’s coaching, I nudge in three ways:

• Envision: I ask the child to envision with me: “Here’s what it could sound like in your writing.”
• Oral Practice: I ask the child what they are thinking about writing: “Tell me what you’re going to write.”
• Watch them: I ask if I can watch them take their next steps: “Let me see you try that on.”

As parents, our authoring experiences were controlled by teachers who wanted everything to be perfect. Don’t repeat those bad habits! Be a better writing coach for your child by honoring their approximations. In doing that, you may be inspiring the next Dr. Seuss or J.K. Rowling.

For more on this topic, particularly how to support writing in the early years, read: Becoming Authors.

 

reading is fun

I enjoy reading in many forms: from a book, a magazine, a blog, or audio book… it doesn’t matter how I’m doing it, but that I’m doing it that’s important.

No matter how many years I’ve taught, what grade I’m teaching, what school I’m at, or what country I’m in, there is always a debate about the reading log. So why are so many teachers/schools/districts pushing “The Reading Log”?

As a parent and teacher, I’ve tried an array of reading logs: monthly minutes, daily reading, parent signature required, comprehension questions, pages read, reading journals, charts, calendars, author/title, weekly recording sheets, rewards, sticker charts… you name it, I’ve probably seen it, tried it, and/or required my students to complete it.

As a teacher, I printed them, sent them home for homework, and marked responses with stickers and smiley faces because that’s what the school required.

As a parent, I loathed the nagging required to get my children to complete the reading tasks set forth by their teacher. Ugh.

But as I sit at my dining room table typing up this blog, I look at the couch where both of my teens are reading and think to myself, “I did all right!” My daughter is nose-deep in the latest of a series of YA fiction suggested to her by the school librarian and my son is on his laptop reading the blog of a YouTuber he admires.

But they are not logging a gosh darn thing!

Without reading logs, my children are more avid, excited, and enthusiastic about reading. So how do you get around the parental torture of a reading log? Here’s my teacher pro-tip: let the kids read what they WANT to read. 

• If they like to cook, then have them read a recipe while you two make dinner together.
• A fan of comics and comic books? Grab a magazine or subscribe to an online newspaper and discuss the real-world satire the comic is commenting on.
• If you live far away from family and friends, get your parents or in-laws to write regular emails to your child which they can respond to. This idea helps kill two birds with one stone as you also get your children to practice writing too!
• Tap in to their interest by finding a blog they can follow: like LEGOs, outer space, or animal rescue.

If your child’s teacher sends home the dreaded log, I’m sorry to say, you won’t be able to avoid the torture of tracking minutes or signing a sheet to say you saw your kid reading. But you will help build the habit of reading. And that is more important than anything.

Some alternative ways to complete reading log goals:

• blogs
• recipes
• letters/emails
• newspaper/magazines
• directions
• maps
• audio books
• home language books

Ultimately, the most important thing we parents and teachers can do is read by example. We can’t expect our kids to do something we are not willing to do ourselves. So, grab a novel, download an audio book, join a Book Club, open a magazine, or cuddle with the kids on the couch–it doesn’t matter how you’re doing it just that you’re doing it.

new year, new routines

Every December 31st, people around the globe write a list of resolutions that will help them be the best version of themselves in the year ahead. Unfortunately, by the end of January, most people have failed themselves by neglecting their resolutions. But if you have school-aged kids, you’re lucky… you get to reboot every September.

Each school year rings in “newness:” New teachers, new clothes, new school supplies, and new routines. So here are my top 5 routine busters to help you and your child(ren) get (and stay) organized.

calendarize your life: Calendars help people see what’s happening next. This, in turn, helps limit tantrums (from the kids and adults alike)! Depending on the age of your child and the chaos in your life, you’ll need a different type of calendar. For little ones, I always loved Melissa & Doug’s magnetic calendars because they allow kids to begin developing a mathematical understanding of numbers, months, and holidays. For older kids, a fridge calendar may be just what need to see the days’ events at a glance (our family’s calendar is color coded and added to as events come up). For tech-savvy families, create and share a Google Calendar. The events will be visible to all family members and will automatically update when someone makes a change.

get everyone to pitch in: There is no rule in child-rearing that states that the adults have to do it all. Why do think the word “chores” was invented? That said, everyone has got to pitch in. It doesn’t mean the work load will be equitable, but each family member should pitch in and help in an age-appropriate manner. What is age-appropriate you ask? Well, you know your kids best so you decide. But Your Modern Family has some great ideas to help you get the ball rolling. With our older children, we discussed the chores that need to get done each day and then we divided them accordingly (keeping in mind the kids’ schedules). At our teens’ age, we decided to compensate with money which helps build about financial independence.

stay connected: During the school year, days quickly turn in to weeks, weeks turn in to months, and, before you know it, we’re back around at summer again. Don’t let the time get away from you. Step away from the hectic reality of life (and the glow of your devices) to make contact with your child(ren), your partner, and your tribe! Go beyond the “How was your day?” gibberish because, really, there is no good answer to that question. Dig a little deeper and ask more meaningful questions. My favorites are:

• What did you do to make someone smile today?
• If you could do today all over again, what would you have changed?
• What is one thing you want to remember about today?

I haven’t cornered the market on great thought-provoking queries as I sometimes find myself asking the banal, “What did you learn today?” question. …And I’m not sure these moms have figured it out much better than I have, but they’ve got some prompts that might help you get started (though I would avoid any “tattle-type” questions myself). [Questions from Motherly and FabulesslyFrugal]

Here’s a bonus idea for staying connected with tweens. This idea directly correlates with the calendarize suggestions mentioned above: keep each other in the loop. Back in “little kid” days, my husband or I would be asked to “Bring the family ’round for dinner.” “Sure, no problem” we’d respond with the assumption that kids would enjoy the night out.  We’d load up the kids, grab a bottle of wine, and be on our way. But that is not the way to do it with tweens and teens. They’ve got their own agendas. So I suggest you start a family chat to help with those “I was just invited…” plans that come up at school and work. We’ve observed that the chat has alleviated a lot of stress because everyone knows what is coming (“We are going out to dinner with the Smith’s on Friday”) and reduces the inevitable parental taxi strain (“Can you drop us off at the movies at 7? Her mom will pick us up!”).

set up a lunch line: With the invention of refrigerators, lunch-making has never been easier. But I’m shocked at how many parents I catch complaining about having to wake up early to put together the day’s lunches. Stop it. There is a better way! Get everyone involved in making their own lunch. We started getting our kids to make their own lunches when they were 3 years-old. My husband would cut up stacks of veggies (and the kids would pick two different kinds) while I helped the kids slop mayo, mustard, and veggies on bread. The kids would fill reusable containers with yogurt, fruit salad, and/or fruit juice and they’d toss in some cutlery. Done! Now that they are teens, it’s even easier. I make the salads (for the adults) while one kid makes sandwiches or portions out leftovers (for the kids). My husband is still on veggie duty, and the other kid helps where needed: fruit duty, extra protein on sport’s days, or a bonus treat from the weekend’s baking extravaganza.

The main reason my family keeps me around–I’m the only one who can Tetris the fridge so a week’s worth of shopping, pre-cooked dinners, and all of our lunches fit inside.

don’t sweat the small stuff: It’s OK if the laundry doesn’t get done tonight. The memory of cuddling up with your child and reading a favorite book, drawing a picture for grandma, or listening to them play an instrument (no matter how good or bad) is far more important in the grand scheme of things. Choose to live the best life in the moment and let the rest go!

 

 

homework hell

This image by lourdesnique is licensed under Creative Commons CC0 from Pixabay.

You woke up early, made a wholesome breakfast, organized the Pinterest-inspired first day of school photos, and loaded your kids up with their dream back pack, and freshly sharpened pencils. You don’t know how you did it, but you got your crew in the car and to school on time. Once you kiss them all and send them off you realize there was one thing you have forgotten in this otherwise perfect day:

Tonight. Begins. The. Homework. Saga.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

For so many parents, memories about our educational experience include homework: writing or diagraming sentences, math problems, spelling lists, and reading comprehension questions. And even though we despise the practice of having our kids do homework, one of the first things teachers are asked during Back to School Night is, “Can you explain your homework policy?”

Ugh.

Most teachers hate to give homework. Even more teacher hate to receive homework. And many teachers are happy to do away with the practice all together.

So why are our kids still doing homework?

The simplest answer is–many schools maintain a homework policy to keep the parents happy. Despite the deep-hidden angst about homework, some parents push their feelings aside in lieu of homework’s “rewards: naturally setting boundaries, helping students practice learned skills, building study habits, and (let’s be honest… these are our favorite excuses nowadays) homework keeps kids off devices or away from bickering with siblings.

But the truth is our children can still achieve all of those goals without homework. Jessica Smock wrote about the 31 Things Your Kids Should Do Instead of Homework and I think today’s teachers should send that home as a weekly to-do list rather than a spelling list.

Though the homework debate is sure to continue well in to my retirement, I urge you to advocate for your child’s body and mind. Just like this teacher urged, spend your children’s “homework time” doing something more meaningful like: playing outside, cooking together, or learning about something you’re passionate about… their minds, their body, and your sanity will thank me later.